Another One Bites the Dust

Alright folks, I know it’s been a while but I have an important matter to blow out of proportion so let’s skip the bullshit and get down to business.

I have broken a lot of expensive things in my day. Cameras, phones, laptops–nothing is safe. But each time I do, I try to learn from the past.

When I broke my iPod touch, I learned to stop throwing my iPod touch for comedy. When I broke my iPhone 5c, I learned to keep grocery bags in my book bag to protect devices from rain, and also to stop dropping it in the toilet, and also that I needed to stop choosing pretty over military-grade protection and invest in an otterbox. When I broke my iPhone Se, I learned to stop bringing my phone with me when I fall into ravines (which actually happened this weekend), and that an otter box does not cut it when you lose your phone in the rapids at bottom of said ravine.

So today, when Alex gave me his beautiful, gently used Samsung Galaxy to use until I get a new phone, I decided to just not move. I just wouldn’t move. So I laid down, and I downloaded an app, and I didn’t move.

Except to turn my head for three seconds.

And what happened in those three seconds, I cannot say, but all I know is that there must have been some damn voodoo witchcraft demon floating around the room because when I looked back, there was a crack in the screen. I am not making this up. I had it in my hand, and I looked up, and I looked back down, and there was a crack extending all the way from the left of the screen to the right side of the screen. Did I squeeze it too hard? Did I f***in sneeze out an anvil and not notice?  This is a personal record of destruction, and not in a good way. I owned it for 20 minutes, and the whole sanctity of the device is gone.

God is dead.

At this point, I have learned to let go of the idea that I will ever be able to let myself fall in love with a piece of superficial machinery for more than 8 months. I should have known better than to think that I could change. It’s just a shame that another technological being had to be lost in the crossfire.

I’m going to have a drink.

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